Believe It… No Spitting At Real Bouncers Is Great Advice !

The Buzzards Breath Saloon regularly saw some Maine Road Rash and what’s with these bar names anyhow? The “Moose Breath Saloon” and “Buzzards Breath Saloon”, the later located right in good ole Madison, Maine hired PartyDancersUSA to do a weekly show there in 1998/1999. Everybody involved was happy except maybe the “Town of Madison” which made sure it wasn’t a full nude show, so we watered it down and the dancers went topless. This weekly event lasted approx. 1.5 years with some busy nights until of course somebody pushed the wrong buttons, it didn’t last long after that and besides the turnout was spotty besides It takes years of solid work to build customer base anyhow… I’ll continue…

One particular evening we had a rather large turnout of 60 with some rednecks, a few hillbilly Bobs and surprisingly no problems to speak of until into the 3rd hour of a 4 hour show. One determined guy decides to pick on the newest dancer, he buys a “lap dance” and the trainee attempts to get it done but finds this particular knob (description due to his actions) doesn’t just want a “dance” he wants what he refers to as “SIDE ACTION”? Now in all reality a brand new dancer trainee already has anxiety, is nervous and thinks every problem is a “major” so when she tells the bouncer her problem he gives her the “long look” and decides that this newbie should simply give said customer his money back and move on right? Problem solved. “Not so fast Mister Bouncer”!

No Spitting Is One Of The Very First Things You Learn Right ?

So at my direction the “newbie” (he was getting down right obnoxious about his “side action” a demand which wasn’t being addressed) offered now this “complete asshole in work boots” his money back, he barks in her face about his “KOREAN SIDE ACTION” and refused the refund. Did I mention she was Korean and side action meant a couple of things to him. Anyways I’ll continue…

At this point many of the patrons are paying attention so I waved her off to quiet the scene, walked to the guy for the first time 10 minutes later and ask “what’s the problem my friend?”. His hostile bad breathe laced reply was simply “I paid for side action and I’ll have it!”. Well, seeing how “side action” whatever that was didn’t sound like anything we sold I basically offered him his money back again, that was a no go, I then offered to buy him another dance with a different more experienced dancer, another no go. I surmised right then this fella was a complete asshole and nothing anyone could do less than his “side action” demand (which would never happen) would end the issue.

Always Remember No Spitting At Bouncers If You Like Your Teeth !

Great… I think why is there always one idiot? Years later I come to realize it comes with this job in particular and years later I figured out better ways of dealing with loud mouth jack asses. But on this night and at this point after multiple attempts to fix it I abruptly tell this jerk off “look… enough already, you heard the show rules, no side action whatever that is, back to your buddies and cool it”. He walked across the dance floor causing dancers to dodge him just to show his contempt and started the long stare down with me (which probably wasn’t none to long really before I confronted him finally) which sealed his fate.

That night I had a limo driver and a door man but come to find out my door man was a wannabee tough guy who after this particular night was fired permanently, the limo driver was just a skinny friend, no balls at all but could hold a microphone so I figured I’d hand him control of the show to run while I confronted “Mr. Side Action Man”.

Mr. “Side Action” was standing on the edge of the dance floor with some buddies being obnoxious. The music was loud so when talking I had to lean in (uncomfortable) and bark into his ear. I went on to say at this point his attitude wasn’t welcome and it was time for him to leave, maybe come back when he had a better state of mind.

Never Ever Spit In A Bouncers Face Especially If Your In Arms Length ! So Dumb.

His response, this 45-year-old man, this loud mouthed asshole, Mr. “Side Action’s” answer was to spit in my face ! I’m not sure how anyone reading this would react to this nasty, disgusting act “BUT” I know how I reacted, hands went out automatically, unintentionally in a split second I jerked the spitter up by his shirt directly over my head and whipped him into the hard wood floor head first (backwards), the back of his head slammed so hard you heard it over the music ! It was a gut reaction which took 1.10th of a second.

Still in fight mode and with my opponent ready for “The Ride” (being dragged, pushed, restrained or otherwise escorted to the exit door) I grabbed his shirt collar and proceeded to drag him 50 feet to the exit door (where the “door man” had to be screamed at before he actually opened the door) and chucked him out towards the sidewalk, immediately turned around waiting for more action, gladly none came but some complaining from his buddies until they we’re confronted face to face, they decided to let it go. Good ! I then realized right then there was a trail of blood from ground zero to the door. Not good. Shit.

The show later ended with a lot of blank looks from patrons, they obviously never knowing what had happened just that another patron got violently ejected. It’s too bad but explanations aren’t given.

After the show I’m relaxing at the bar, collecting my senses when I’m approached by the owner about the incident. He is worried that an incident such as this would ruin his business. I agreed it wasn’t good but I also asked him how would he react to an antagonistic asshole spitting in his face when running an event such as this one ? He didn’t have an answer for me, I didn’t expect he could answer that question truthfully anyhow.

It’s unfortunate that some people haven’t a clue one how to act in public or when given the opportunity to step off a confrontation and take the simple way out they refuse even when it’s the smart move. It’s never fun but sometimes it’s all that boneheads understand.

Years later I happened to run into the same fella at a bachelor party booked in Norridgewock, Maine and I felt a little bad for his injury and in the moment offered to buy him a “lap dance” and true to his nature he blatantly refused… but this time I might add… he did so ever so politely 🙂